This is What Happened When I Tried to Join the NFT Craze
Well holy hell, I have been doing a little research into NFTs and I’m here to tell you that we are living the future of art, my little beeples.
On one hand I find NFTs and cryptocurrency and the lot completely ridiculous bullshit. That’s the part of me that:
- Doesn’t understand it therefore immediately rejects it out of fear.
- Sees that there is so much confusion, competition, greed, and desperation around it that something potentially cool finds its yucky side really fast.
- Recognizes it as completely ridiculous bullshit.
On the other hand I find it very science-fiction, cutting edge, super sexy, and hilarious.
Art is nothing if not innovative – well, Western art at least. We can’t seem to be happy if our art doesn’t change as quickly as fashion trends.
First off What Are NFTs?
If you have been loudly scoffing and avoiding learning about NFTs, I’ll try to sum them up in human speak:
- NFT stands for Non-Fungible Token
- Non-Fungible means it can’t be traded like-for-like as other tokens can be (Bitcoin and other cryptocurrency)
- In other words, each token is a digital file of something unique, that’s why it can’t be traded like for like
Why Are NFTs Suddenly so Popular?
- Who the hell knows
- It might have something to do with rich people getting bored during Covid and needing something to spend vast amounts of money on
- It might be because I don’t understand the ways of the high stakes world of art and am but a simpleton
Can I Make my Own NFT?
- No, you fool. Only Grimes can
- I mean of course you can, if you can save something as a digital file, you can make an NFT.
- The next step is getting it up onto an NFT marketplace, which entails:
- Grabbing your own crypto-wallet
- Stuffing some cryptocurrency into it (Ethereum is the currency of choice here)
- Paying to list your NFTs
- Waiting for the Cryptogods to smile upon you and grant you millions
I find this so fun, but it’s taken me YEARS to not take art too seriously. All of it – from the making to the selling of it, and everything in between can be playful and ridiculous. This is how I like my art.
It can get ugly and weird, which makes it all so fascinating because ART IS ALL MADE UP.
So why on earth would we not pay make-believe money for make-believe art?! I love this whole concept.
I love it so much that I walked myself through a tutorial on how to create and sell your first nft – going so far as to spend $50 on Ethereum, and then trying to list a jpeg as my first nft for sale.
And then I got cold feet.
It was going to be $12.50 worth of Ethereum to list this stupid thing, I was just messing around and experimenting, and WHY THE HELL DID I JUST SPEND $50 ON FAKE MONEY?
But then something delightful happened. My Jeanette brain kicked in. I ordered some receipt pads and a self-inking stamper from Jeff Bezos, and decided to open up my very own NFT Shoppe.
It all came together in an instant. If all of these exclusive, shrouded-in-mystery NFT sites could pop up, I could make my own!
Here’s How My NFT Shop is Even Exclusiver Than Theirs:
- Mine is only my art. To be specific, jpegs of beautiful magazine collages I made and laughed all the way through making because they are funny.
2. The original art is gone, poof, destroyed in a fit of fungible passion.
3. You must only pay for these non-fungibles by check. Write me a check, please.
4. As soon as your check has cleared, I will mail you a hand-written letter, including a carbonless paper receipt, written in shaky old man handwriting, because that is how all paper receipts should look.
5. Upon that receipt will be your massively exclusive url to collect your NFT. Since this is make-believe, and I don’t know how to actually create a real NFT, you will have to be happy with the fact that you are the only one who gets the link to the jpeg. Oh, and your receipt.
6. Upon receiving your link, you may rest assured knowing that this digital art is yours forever, to do with what you wish.
7. If you choose to resell it, I don’t even want the 10% commission, as is currently the norm in NFT land. Unless you want to give it to me, of course. I mean, duh.
8. In perhaps the most ironic twist, NFTS are simply wretched for the environment. Like, really bad. I’ve been reading everywhere how much energy it takes to use Ethereum, and it’s shocking.
“Ethereum, like most major cryptocurrencies, is built on a system called “proof of work” that is incredibly energy hungry. There’s a fee associated with making a transaction on Ethereum — and, ironically, that fee is called “gas.” …Ethereum uses about as much electricity as the entire country of Libya.”
So who wants in to my realtively-earth-friendly NFTs? I know you feckers do. Get in while the gettin’s hot.
Here Are Some More Details:
I have created 1 exclusive collection of NFTS:
Magazine collages I made with my actual human hands – wtf so old fashioned and refreshing.
The magazine collages have been photographed and ripped to shreds, so they only exist in your mind, I mean online. You’ll be able to rip it to shreds in your own mind of you want, you lucky art collector.
Anyhoobobs, here is the link to Jeanette’s NFT Shoppe. Have at it. Secure a piece of the cutting edge art world.
P.S. My next dog will be named Fungible.
More FAQs About NFTS
Q: I don’t want to make NFTs. Will there still be a market for my physical artwork?
A: No.
Q: Then where can I get started with NFTs?
A: Here is a list of some (just a few!) places where you can buy or sell NFTs.
OpenSea (Make sure you are connected to a wallet first. I use Metamask because it was easy and has a cute fox logo)
