I’ll be Your Role Model, Bitches
My ego doesn’t want to tell people I’m over 50. I want to pretend I’m still 28 and a super-cute art chick living in Wicker Park, hanging at the hipster bars and trying to find boyfriends via one night stands.
Actually, no, that sounds exhausting. I’m not sure what I’m trying to be, because there aren’t any good, clear role models for cool over-50 women. I mean, who doesn’t love Moira Rose and Karen Walker, but I don’t necessarily want to be them. And while Oprah, Michelle Obama, and J-lo are solid role models, they aren’t exactly realistic for most of us.
With that said, I’ve decided to be the role model for the over-50 woman who doesn’t fit into the typical stereotype. I actually am much closer to being the deeply flawed Moira Rose or Karen Walker than I ever will be the Michelle, J-Lo, or Oprah. So if you are looking for someone to emulate who is on public aid, fails regularly at homeschooling her son, is massively socially awkward, and has the sense of humor of a 10 year old, I’m yer fella.
In all seriousness, I don’t want to be a role model, but I do want to show that white women over 50 aren’t all suburban moms fretting about empty nesting, failed marriages, and squishy bodies. And although I check all of those categories, I am not that! I am not that!
I’m also not the sad public aid single mom who can’t figure her shit out (even though I check those categories as well). I am on a path of self-discovery where I am starting from a pretty low rock bottom. But I am also determined to keep following the little bread crumbs the universe is laying out for me (like writing this blog), and I won’t give up.
Despite my brain trying to convince me that I am one more in a line of tragic ancestral failure, I know I am not. My later start (re-start) does not mean I am doomed. Despite my scared brain telling me to run get a job, any job, I know I am meant to do something more. Despite my guilt at writing that sentence out loud, I am owning it. Owning the fact that I am not taking another shitty $15/hr online job write crap for someone else, even if that means I’m staying on food stamps and Medicaid for a bit longer. Come at me, bro.
So what now? Are you just figuring yourself out at 50, too? Let’s support each other, compare flaws, laugh like idiots, and especially walk forward despite the fear. I need more of that kind of energy around me, and I know I’m not alone.
