Here is The Current State of My Blog and Me as A Human
Oh, gosh. I just read this post from almost 2 years ago and I ache for my raw, vulnerable 2023 self. I also see how nurturing and patient I was with myself, and for that I am thankful. Thank you, past Jeanette. Looking back I see how brave I was tying to be, a few short months out of a terribly dysfunctional 21 year marriage.
Now two years out of it, I am functioning as a human again, and I’m feeling the scar tissue shed bit by bit. In fact, I am the closest to my lucid, healthy self as I have been in years. The message from that post that I am still trying to keep in mind: don’t think; just do. Wow, it’s a hard one for me.
As someone with Virgo in like 5 of my houses, plus ADHD, my sweet little brain likes to take a thought for a walk and never come back. Every possibility, pro, con, scenario, feeling, and likely outcome gets cycled through until I’m too mentally spent to do anything. I’ve always been aware of this problem, but the ADHD diagnosis and now Ritalin are giving me hope that I can break the love affair with indecision.
I’m going to circle back to my first paragraph, because I have also done a shit ton of work on myself. Thanks to a fascination for studying human behavior, self improvement, and healing modalities, I’ve preserved my sanity through a lot. A lot a lot.
I can feel the stories and knowledge tapping to get out, so I’ll let them come when they’re ready. For now I’m happy to feel like I can string a couple of sentences together again. It’s a lovely thing to feel your nervous system easing back after being pushed to its limits time and again.
I like the idea of picking up where I left off from blogging years ago – when I first started – as a personal place to just write and share. So here I am. I’ve tried to get back here several times over the years, only to abandon it as a silly, indulgent endeavor. Self-judging thoughts aside, I have lots to share. And not all of it is heavy and depressing – I still have some stupid haikus up my sleeve.
